License to BLOG!

If I have ever influenced you to eat at a new restaurant or to savor a particular dish created by a chef you may not have heard of before, please know that I am truly very, very sorry. I have tried my best to be on the right side of the law for most of my life. Yes, it is true that in my juvenile days I may have ended up driving a car on nights that I should have taken a cab but please know that I am way past all of that and I have no intention of ever breaking the law again.

It is not just the repercussion of breaking the law that makes me want to be a good citizen, it is the law itself that encourages me to respect it and abide by it. I know for example that speeding can get me killed and there are laws in place to prevent that from happening hence I respect those laws. I also know that if I want to sell goods or service to others, I would need to work within the parameters of the law to do that. I understand that by doing so, I would also be protected by the same legal framework because it would encourage fair competition while keeping me safe from thieves, cheaters and scam artists.

So once again, please allow me to apologize. I apologize for ever having saved you from a terrible night out. I apologize for helping you plan your weekend or ever leading you on to fantasize about the best biryani in Dubai. I apologize for every Instagram post that encouraged you to get out of your comfort zone and try new things and if you live out of the UAE, I apologize for showing you how much fun we have down here.

Blogging without a license is going to be a crime punishable by a fine very soon. This license can be obtained by spending 30000 AED. I love to write, I love to eat and I love to share honest reviews of restaurants that I eat out at but I don’t love any of this, that much. Less than 2% of my Instagram posts have been paid for by sponsors. Less than 5% have been made covering restaurants where I did not pay for a meal. The remaining 93% of my posts have been paid for by me. So this is not a money making venture at all. I run my website because I love to blog. Instagram and Zomato are just two different ways of promoting my website. This website does not sell anything to anyone. The only thing available on that site are honest, tongue in cheek reviews of restaurants I have eaten out at.

I have been banned by some PR agencies because they could not deal with my honest opinions about the restaurants they represented. Others have taken my feedback in a positive way and have gone back and made changes based on that feedback. I am not the Mother Teressa of bloggers but I honestly feel that my blog has helped both consumers and restaurants. The only thing I ever got out of it was the satisfaction of sharing my experience with others in a meaningful way.

So I do not think I should need to pay for a license for doing that. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely believe that blogging, like all other sectors needs to be regulated. I also believe that all bloggers should register with the relevant authorities. I also know for a fact that there are many bloggers who make a lot of money in the UAE. Those are the ones that should be paying for a license. Not puny little food bloggers who thrive on the satisfaction derived from comparing shawarmas in Dubai. There are lifestyle and beauty bloggers who make a ton of money and I don’t think they would have any problem spending 30000AED on a license. Not me though. I would rather enjoy all my meals by myself than pay for the privilege of taking a picture of my sandwich and posting it on Instagram.

I believe there will be lots of other micro influencers like me who would be forced to shut their blogs down. Their combined followers may run into hundreds of thousands. Not only will this move deprive these followers of the information and entertainment they crave while leaving them at the mercy of huge trans global publishing houses but will also kill creativity at the source. The hashtag #visitdubai will not be pushed out into the world with the same fervour as it once was.

There may be a way around it. Let everyone register for free. Bring everyone into the fold. Let all bloggers share all information on a centralized online website with full transparency. Everything from money made or spent on each post, blog and video upload along with name of the client, name of photographer, DOP, writer etc should be known to the authorities . At the end of the month, charge a percentage to those who are making money and let the rest operate and grow their blogs without fear of breaking the law. Make them feel that the law is there to help them and not to punish them. Think of it like a taxation system for bloggers. Everyone would be in the net but only those who are actually making money will pay for the privilege of having a license to blog.

My voice may get drowned out in all the views on this subject but if it does get to the right people, I know they will listen because I believe they have the same intentions as the rest of us. Please help me spread this so it may reach out to them. Till then, bye for good I guess. 😦

Love at first sniff.

So what if you don’t have a six pack? At least you have got a deodorant! Think fly boarding in the shadow of the Burj al Arab and parachute jumps at Zero Gravity. Think winking at the valet as you toss him keys to your Lamborghini. Think 28000 AED bottles of champagne in plush lounges and then think of them again as your yacht races through the water. Think of all the beautiful people around you and then of all the hearts you would have to break that night. Now cut to you and your deodorant, then wake up.

This is Dubai, of course you have to wake up in the end because there ain’t no Axe effect here! Let me rephrase that. The Axe Effect might well be here but this is just as much as you could do in an Axe TV commercial if it was shot or aired in the UAE. Ok, you don’t really have to wake up in the end but you do have to keep it civil. No peep holes, no innuendos and no man walking out of an elevator with ‘that look’ on his face as the 5 women that follow him fix their makeup and hair. We keep it clean baby.

That does not mean whatsoever that the ‘Axe effect’ does not exist. You know; man sprays on some deodorant and women find themselves inexplicably drawn towards him. There are countless variations worldwide but the gist of it all is ‘involuntary seduction’. This ‘effect’ draws women in flocks to any man who sprays himself with Axe deodorant. Historically, this has been one of the most successful marketing claims worldwide. It has been running for well over 15 years but  I’m not sure if the Unilever guys (company that owns the AXE brand) had the knowledge that we do now when they first aired the campaign.

According to a leading British newspaper, scientists can now prove that men who are not blessed with good looks can significantly make up for their lack of appeal by using perfumed deodorants. The article also stated that the effects are the same for a wide range of deodorants and are only applicable to less masculine men. So basically if you are a scrawny and unassuming man, one spray of a deodorant could transform you into someone who is chased by hordes of beautiful young women in seconds, just like in the TV commercial.

While the sales of deodorants will now skyrocket further, I think the potential outcome of this breakthrough discovery could be devastating for a number of other industries. I fear gyms will now be empty, luxury car sales would go down and clinics and parlours offering grooming and aesthetic services for men could go bankrupt. You see men are lazy by nature and if Sigmuend Freud is to be believed, every single thing that men do, is to attract women towards them. So imagine if they knew that they could achieve that by the pushing of a button and did not need to have a defined jawline or six pack abs. Do you think they would attempt to do it in any other way?